Articles
When Our Children Hurt
Perhaps there is no greater set of problems we face in life under the sun than when our children or grandchildren hurt. They are deeply personal to us. They are also deeply emotional for us. We want so very much to help them through the obstacles they face. When they are young, and we carry them, we can stave off problems for them. But as they grow older, and grow into maturity, facing challenges become more personal for them. Even still, when they hurt, we hurt too.
Life is not about the absence of problems, it is about growing and walking with the problems. We should not think it strange that problems come to all of us, regardless of age. In fact, we should expect there to be problems. The question is not, “Will there be problems in life?” The question is, “How will we respond when problems arise? It is not what happens to us that is the challenge. The challenge is how we respond.
However, when the problems affect our children, that is a whole different level. We want them to be all right. If all we had to worry about is our relationship between us and them, that would be easier. But other people enter the picture. Sometimes it is adults who are less than they ought to be. Sometimes it is their peers that are involved. Regardless, when they are hurting, we just want to stand and scream at those who are hurting them! We want to ring their necks. But we can’t. So how do we help?
First, I would say, just listen. Don’t try to provide answers. Don’t give overly simplistic solutions. Our children are smart. They know a snow job when they see it. Listen. Ask them questions. Lead them by listening.
Second, show them how to solve the problem. Show them how to respond. Show them they don’t always have all the answers. We don’t. So why should they feel like they must have them? Sometimes the best thing we can do for them is show them how a Christian responds. As parents and grandparents, we are supposed to be the mature ones. That does not mean we always have an answer, but we do know how to show them Christ.
Third, it may sound simple, but it is powerful -- we must love them. To love them does not mean we fail to correct them. It does mean when we correct them, we do not tear them down in doing so. When they are hurting, they are already feeling like they are worth nothing. They do not need us dog-piling. Telling them to “just be tough” is not helpful, either. Show them love. Show them that we are going to “have their back.” We will not leave them alone. Show them the love of God.
Nothing is more personal to us as parents and grandparents than to see our children and grandchildren abused by others. It stirs us up to see them hurt. When we feel inadequate, few things move us as vehemently.
Finally, we can comfort them in the manner that God comforts us. We have God who loves us. He sacrificed His son for us. He will never leave us alone. He will never forsake us!
Rickie Jenkins
