Articles
Our Children
I don’t suppose there is anything that pulls at the heartstrings of a parent like watching their children struggle. It would be nice to tell every parent there will be no issues as your child grows up, but that is not true. Now not every family faces the same problems. There are degrees of severity. But all problems cause sleepless nights and walking the floor.
First, recognize there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Parents are people, too. Parents have feelings. Parents make mistakes. Contrary to what their child may think, they do not spend all night dreaming how they can make their child’s life miserable. Parents want their children to succeed. Parents who are Christians define that success by their children being faithful to the Lord all their lives. I have seen the parent’s heartbreak when a child walks away from the Lord. Nothing is as heavy for a parent. It is hard to remember the child has a choice in the matter. Rather, the parent blames him or herself for something done or that they failed to do. The question parents repeatedly ask, “What can I do to help my child see what they are doing is destructive to themselves?” The child must want to see it.
Second, there are no perfect children. Children do not know what they do not know. They may think they know but they don’t. It is not their fault. It is just the way life is. A child must grow up, experience life, and hopefully gain knowledge and wisdom to understand. Especially is it true when they enter their teenage years and then go off to college. They want their autonomy, yet are not ready for it, so they struggle with the parents over independence issues. Sometimes in the early teenage years they simply want to fit in. They may find it difficult to find a place among their peers. Especially is this so when parents are trying to instill God-like values in their child. The world argues against those values. There may be those who are just rotten, but, in the main, children want to be loved. Teenagers want help finding their way. They just struggle with wanting their own independence too. Children really do not hate their parents. It is just their parents are the ones with whom they argue with. They will not argue with their peers for fear of rejection; they argue with their parents because they know their parents will not leave them.
Third, when a parent and child find themselves in conflict, do not be afraid to ask for help. The standing proverb around our house when the kids were home was, “Let’s call granddad.” That is my dad. Granddad—dad—always knew what to say and how to say it. He was, and is, so wise. The kids would listen to him. Find that wise person in whom you trust to listen and help, not condemn. Just listen. Many times, problems will be solved by just simply listening to what the child says. Parents are the parents, not the child. Parents, it is exasperating, frustrating, wearisome, and fatiguing, but they are worth it. Do not give up on them! Fight for them! Do not let Satan have them! Having said that, there will also be those times in which you will have to stand up to them and tell them the line has been crossed and it will go no further. Period!
I read one time, “Your children will make what you cannot be without them.” I add, “Your children will not be what they can be without their parents.” And sometimes it takes a village, God’s village.
One last thing. Of the many mistakes I made, one was I was too quick to act rather than ask before responding. My deepest regret was on one occasion when my son was in the first grade. I believed an adult rather than him. It turned out that adult was a liar. My son was not, and is not, a liar! Even today it is my biggest regret. When I hear parents tell their child they do not believe them or believe in them, it still causes me to shake. Believe in them. They need that from you! If their word is doubted, find another way to address it. Don’t tell them you do not believe them or believe in them.
Rickie
