Articles
Intentions vs. Actions
Have you ever noticed that we often do not look at ourselves and others in the same way? People see themselves based on their intentions, but we measure others by their actions. Further, we see those close to us and that we like by their intentions, but those not in that category we judge by their behavior. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, “We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.”
Why do we measure that way? Well, maybe we just don’t want to look bad, so if we see ourselves based on our intentions then in our eyes we do not look so bad. It is a little like the two year old who covers his eyes. Because he cannot see you he thinks you cannot see him. So if we see ourselves by our intentions, then others will not see us by our actions. And if we hide our actions from ourselves by only seeing our intentions, we are never wrong.
But shouldn’t we give others the benefit of the doubt? Maybe even walk the second mile with them? Think about that for a moment. Most people know their flaws. When others feel obliged to point them out it only confirms what the person thinks of themselves already. So, why not give them the benefit of the doubt and, instead of pointing out their flaws, encourage them?
What difference would that make in the church? The church is people. People have faults. Sadly, we are much more prone to place the worst possible construction on a person’s actions rather than give them the benefit of the doubt for having the best of intentions. If, before I accuse, I first place the best of intentions on the actions of another might that mute me compulsion to be so negative about their behavior? Might kindness and tenderheartedness help me in that circumstance before I feel so obliged to point out the flaws of another?
What difference would that make for us as parents? Oh, how I wish I had realized this years ago. I was so quick to correct their perceived misbehavior, I never stopped to even possibly consider their intentions. I knew why they acted like they did. I would worry about their intentions later. In that moment I was going to correct their behavior. Many times, if I had just given them the benefit of the doubt and talked to them first about their intent, the matter would have been solved so easily. But, that would mean I would have to retrain responding to correct them until afterward. Oh no, I knew their intentions....
Let’s give this a try; give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Give them an opportunity to explain their intentions first. Then, if necessary correct with meekness, not a sword.
Rickie
