Articles
The Blessings of Life
Children are such a blessing. Yet children require everything a parent has to give. No matter the age, a child is still a child. Every age brings it’s own challenges. Children never get to an age where there are no longer any issues in their lives. Grown children bring a different set of worries than toddlers and adolescents. When children are toddlers and adolescences parents cannot wait until they become adults and responsible for themselves. Then, when they reach adulthood, parents wish they were toddlers again. A few observations about children and parents.
Many times the problem is not the children but the parents. Parents need to be parents and children need to be children, especially when they are babies through teenage years. When they are grown the dynamics change. But when parents are responsible for their children, parents need to be the parents, not the child. Too many times the roles are reversed. Maybe innocently, maybe deliberately, but nonetheless reversed. Children are not equipped to be parents.
Further, children manipulate their parents. Don’t say, “Not me.” Yes they do. Children train the parents to get what they want. I did not say they were malicious in their manipulations. They simply figure out how to train the parents to get what they want. They cry, we respond. They scream, we react. They throw a fit, we coddle. Parents try to reason with a two year old like they talk to an adult. A two year old is not reasonable and does not have the ability to reason. They know, “I want.” An eighteen year old is not an adult and does not have the maturity of an adult. Yet, parents allow them to reign as the parents.
Also, parents, we know what they do not know. We have been where they are. They have never been where we are. This is especially challenging with teenagers. They fuss, kick and cry, “You never let me…You never trust me.” So we give in to them. No, we don’t trust without verifying. They learn how to twist us up emotionally. What they want and need is for the parents to stand up to them and live up to the established boundaries. When we lower the boundaries they are thinking, “Do they really still love me?” Teenagers need as many boundaries as a four year old, just different ones.
Then, when they are grown, we no longer talk to them like we talked to them when they were teenagers. We no longer treat them like they were teenagers. They deserve respect. Now, they have moved into being responsible for themselves. So, parents, unless asked we need to keep our noses out of their business. And when they have children recognize they are our grandchildren not our children. Parents are responsible for their children’s development. They are not our children. If our grown children want advice they will ask. Then, you can share your wisdom with them.
Oh, one more observation, no parent gets everything right. Just as there are no perfect children, there are no perfect parents.
Rickie
