Articles
Kindness and Encouragement
Kindness and encouragement go a long way in helping every kind of relationship. More importantly, love is kind and kindness is a fruit of the spirit (1Cor. 13:4; Gal. 5:22). The emphasis is that we can tell the character and heart in a person by how kind they are. We can tell the Holy Spirit is in them when we see the fruit of the spirit.
John Gottman’s pioneering research found that marriages are much more likely to succeed when there are five positive interactions for every one negative interaction; marriages are more likely to end in divorce when that ratio approaches one positive to one negative. Additional research also shows that workgroups with at least three positive interaction for every one negative interaction are significantly more productive than teams that do not reach this ratio.
So that means kindness and encouragement are very important in nurturing close relationships.
In your home, do you use more kindness than rudeness? Are you one who discourages by casting a dark cloud over the sunshine? Are you kind to those you love the most?
In my relationship with brethren, am I more critical or more encouraging? Do we see the dark side of everyone or do we see Jesus in them?
In what do you rejoice? Love rejoices in truth, not iniquity (1Cor. 13:6). Do you praise or criticize? Do you praise your wife or husband, or are you most critical of them? What about your children? Are their grades always bad because they are not all “A’s”, or do you praise their best effort? I wonder how quickly we could improve all our relationships if we were just kind and encouraging.
Now lest you think this is unbalanced, sometimes the kindest thing we can do is help one see where they are weak or show them their faults. There are times the negative must be confronted and purged. But, at least when do so, it not out of spite but in order to build them up (2Tim. 2:25). Barbara Fredrickson’s research from the University of Michigan shows work groups with 13 positive interactions for each negative interaction are less effective. This implies that no one is willing to confront the real problems and challenges that are holding them back.
Make a part of your character kindness. Manifest God to others. Let them see the fruit of the spirit in you. Don’t be like the fellow who died a grumpy ole’ age.
